I am now inside permanently for the Winter. Here I am talking to ‘Buddy,’ the big Labrador thingy.
I am telling him about the one eyed Monsters outside in the dark. My Mum used to swear they existed. The other night I was in my hutch when I heard and saw what could only be described as a Monster heading right for me! It’s one eye shining bright! Boy was I scared! I shan’t tell Buddy that it was Little-Miss wearing the head torch coming to feed me.
‘Every cloud has a silver lining’, my Mum used to say. Well, I can tell you today some person pinched the silver lining from my cloud! I hear silver is quite the commodity.
It is a tad chilly. ‘Colder than a Mother-in-laws kiss’ Mum used to say. Which means nothing to me as I ain’t got no wife and no Mother-in -law. I am spending nights indoors to keep warm. The big-Mrs was offering me water from a dish. I said ‘No’ three times. On the third time to demonstrate my anger I picked up the dish and turned it over. Water everywhere! I was even crosser! I know I know I should try anger management like my Dad did. Truth be told this heating they got indoors plays havoc with my testosterone levels!
What a Handsome Fella I am! Having a wash and brush up.
I had my carrot and broccoli last night but this morning the cardboard box looked good to eat. I remember my Mum used to say, ‘no calories in cardboard’, so I tucked in. I was halfway through one side when I recalled her saying ‘things always go in better than they come out’. So, I stopped about then. Little-Miss put me outside in my home. Good golly it was torrential rain so I retired to bed. My Mum used to say in this weather, ‘Neville, it’s raining cats and dogs’. I didn’t venture from bed as witnessing these angry creatures with sharp things on their paws falling from the sky wasn’t my idea of fun. After my experience last week I prefer to keep well away from so called cats. There I was minding my own business indoors, running to and fro. Mum used to say ‘always leave a trail Neville so you know where you’ve been’. I no sooner had allowed Big-Mrs to stroke me then I had a calling. Now my eyesight has never been great. I call myself a Vertically and optically challenged Dutch Rabbit. Mum used to say, ‘never drive Neville’, ‘Ok Mum’ I used to say. Whoever heard of a Rabbit driving! She must have had a bad experience with Dad. She also used to say ‘Neville you were born with an itch you mustn’t scratch, don’t be like your Father!’ Anyway, back to this moment – I returned and all I saw was a flurry of fur where I had been. I will admit, I forgot my p’s and q’s. I jumped on this fur bundle feeling the scratchiest itch and then off again as realization dawned on me when I saw the big saucer eyes that it was ‘THE CAT’. She took it very well considering. Just a hiss and a look. A look that will stay with me. However, I would stand up in Court and say my eyes let me down!